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30th October 2014
As you know, everyone's horrible at driving except you. You're perfect. "Consumer Reports" just released the results of a survey where people ranked the 20 most annoying things other drivers do on a scale of one to 10. The most annoying behavior is texting while driving. It got an average score of 8.9 out of 10. That puts it just ahead of able-bodied people parking in handicapped spots, which got an 8.7. The least annoying thing was the only item on the list connected to the radio, because radio is a fantastic and flawless medium. People who crank the volume on their radio too high only averaged a 5.7 out of 10 for annoyingness. So, turn it up.
Here's the full list of the 18 most annoying things other drivers do.
#1.) Texting while driving, 8.9 out of 10.
#2.) Able-bodied drivers parking in handicapped spots, 8.7.
#3.) Tailgating, 8.4.
#4.) Drivers who cut you off, 8.3.
#5.) Speeding and swerving in and out of traffic, 8.2.
#6.) Taking up two parking spaces, 7.7.
#7.) TIE: Talking on the phone while driving not letting you merge into a lane and not dimming high beams, 7.6.
#8.) Not using turn signals, 7.5.
#9.) TIE: Slow drivers in the passing lane and jaywalkers who walk in front of your car, 7.3.
#10.) Excessive horn honking, 7.1.
#11.) Rubbernecking at accidents, 7.0.
#12.) Not turning on lights when it's raining or about to get dark, 6.8.
#14.) Drivers who are indecisive about where to turn, 6.6.
#15) Slow drivers on a two-lane road who won't pull over, 6.5.
#16.) Not going when the light turns green, 6.1.
#17.) Bicyclists who don't let you by, 5.8.
#18.) Cranking the radio volume, 5.7.
Quote of the Day
"Never confuse movement with action."
- Ernest Hemingway
29th October 2014
Quote of the Day
Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.
You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.
~Norman Vincent Peale
28th October 2014
Quote of the Day
A gentleman can withstand hardships; it is only the small man who,
when submitted to them, is swept off his feet.Confucius
Breakups - When The Rainbow Ends - Part Two
( Continued From Yesterday )
"The ending of a relationship, for whatever reason, can be one of the most painful experiences that we can go through."
Additional Healing Tips & Strategies:
·Provide a daily structure for yourself to keep grounded. Stay busy, but not too busy that you get distracted from your emotional work.
·Get connected with others. Surround yourself with positive, supportive friends and get engaged with life, no matter how hard it is. Join a grief support group in your area to be with others who can share similar circumstances with you and normalize your grief.
·Find a renewed sense of purpose and passion. Join an organization or a cause you care about, take a class, cultivate a new hobby, get involved! Bring healthy pleasure into your life.
·Learn to be comfortable being alone. Do some self-soothing and nurturing activities. Find value in self-renewal.
·Take this opportunity to learn more about yourself. Work with a life coach to help you learn about healthy relationships and crafting a new vision for your future. Recognize patterns in your relationships and identify areas where you can improve your relationship skills.
·Challenge negative self-talk by replacing with more enhancing, affirming, coping thoughts. Identify your strengths and value to boost your self-esteem. Use the power of affirmations and write them on index cards for quick reference.
·Remove items that remind you of your ex-lover and tuck them away somewhere so they’re not a constant visual trigger for you. There will come a time when they won’t be so jarring to you.
·Create a ritual of closure for your relationship (eg. throw a “I’m moving on” party with close friends, etc.) Find a way to commemorate the relationship and what it meant to you to aid in “letting go.”
·Create a scrapbook or collage of memories of your relationship when you’re ready.
·Release your feelings productively. Take out several sheets of paper and at the top of each write an emotion you feel (sad, angry, hurt, resentful, etc.). Then down the side of the full length of the paper, write “I feel…” and fill in the blank about that particular emotion to release all the feelings you have regarding that as it pertains to your relationship grief. Do some self-soothing afterwards.
·Keep a journal or write your ex-lover a letter sharing your feelings and what the relationship meant to you, etc. DO NOT SEND THIS TO YOUR EX! This is for your therapeutic benefit only. Or talk to an empty chair pretending your ex is sitting there and practice processing your emotions this way. This can be extremely cathartic.
Conclusion - Breaking up is hard to do, as an old song once put it. Realize that your pain is a tribute to the significance that this relationship held for you and that you are a survivor. How you choose to deal with the breakup will impact the direction of your life and how soon you will be able to rebuild your life. Identify healthy outlets that you can channel your feelings toward, pinpoint potential blocks that could get in the way of your healing process, and allow yourself to be open to love again when you’re ready.
A new beginning with opportunity and possibility awaits you on the other side of the rainbow.
27th October 2014
Breakups - When The Rainbow Ends - Part One
The ending of a relationship, for whatever reason, can be one of the most painful experiences that we can go through. Having made ourselves vulnerable by opening our hearts to another and loving him to the fullest capacity almost feels spiritual; now it’s been replaced with a crushing sense of loss and emptiness that feels quite devastating. The length of time together, the quality of the relationship, and the level of emotional investment in it all determine the intensity of the grief experienced when you and your lover part ways.
This article will explore the grieving process involved with relationship breakups and offer tips and strategies for facilitating your grief to move you toward healing so you can start your life over on better footing.
The Grieving Experience - The experience of breaking up with a boyfriend or partner can be likened to a death, with layer upon layer of losses resulting. Not only is his absent physical presence felt as a loss, but other losses like hopes, dreams, expectations, identity, security, and trust compound and complicate your adjustment. Life as you knew it has been shaken and your vision for your future has been altered.
You experience a roller-coaster of emotions. It’s common to feel rejected, abandoned, insecure, powerless, and hopeless. Confusion and feeling a sense of failure and regret are common, as well as varying degrees of anger, depression, and guilt. You might even become preoccupied with your ex-lover, obsessing about him and thinking constantly about your life together and what he might be doing now.
In her book, “Healing A Broken Heart”(1997), Nancy Joy Carroll, ED.D outlines four stages of relationship loss that are common in the aftermath of a breakup. They include the following:
Stage 1: Shock & Denial: This usually occurs immediately after the split-up. You might feel numb, believe that this can’t be happening and minimize the reality of the situation. You feel sad, angry, confused, and might blame yourself.
Stage 2: Despair: You begin to see that the ending is inevitable and experience profound sadness, loneliness, depression, and impaired concentration. You might try to bargain with your partner to try to convince him to give the relationship another chance. You idealize your partner. You feel unlovable, wondering if you can make it on your own, and feel a loss of identity.
Stage 3: Detachment: Anger becomes more pronounced and you begin to hold your partner more responsible for the relationship split. This stage is particularly helpful as your anger helps to create some distance for you from him and you’re not as enmeshed.
Stage 4: Recovery: In this final stage, you come to an acceptance of the loss and learn to “let go”, redefining yourself as a single man again and feel more empowered to cultivate new experiences and opportunities for personal growth.
Tips Along the Grief Path - You are going through a major shift in your identity. Be patient and kind with yourself as you journey through the grieving process.
Keep these tips in mind as you forage through the pain you’re experiencing to prevent any blocks or impediments along the path of healing. It can be a rocky road, but staying focused and conscious will promote a smoother and more successful transition to the “new you.”
·Everyone grieves at their own rate and pace; there’s no timeline, so don’t rush yourself. It can sometimes take years.
·As you go through the stages of loss, be aware that healing is not linear. Expect to progress up and down through the stages. Endure through it.
·Avoid stuffing your feelings; be open to them no matter how much it hurts. Suppressing your emotions only puts a temporary band-aid on your suffering and prolongs your healing. It’s ok to cry.
·Avoid self-medicating your feelings. Beware of alcohol, drugs, gambling, work, food, sex, or other vices to comfort yourself during this difficult time. These can distract from your grieving work and become addictions.
·Depression and anxiety are common emotions during this time period. Should their experience interfere with your daily functioning or accomplishment of daily tasks, seek assistance from a license mental health therapist.
·Earlier losses and unfinished business from the past can be triggered when you encounter relationship loss. Be prepared to deal with these as well.
·Avoid making major life decisions. Allow yourself time to get more grounded and centered first. Grief can have a tricky way of clouding our judgment if not careful.
·Avoid jumping into another relationship right away. Grieve this one completely first.
·Ignore others’ attempts to tell you how you should feel or that you should “be over it by now.” They didn’t live your experience and they are typically projecting their own discomfort with loss and grief.
·Avoid being friends with your ex initially. It’s common for gay men to remain friends with their ex-boyfriends; decide for yourself if this is something that you would be able to do, and if so, allow yourself some time and space first to grieve. It can be very difficult to transition from “life partner” to “just friends” immediately after a breakup. You need time to heal to be able to appropriately view your ex in a new role.
Continued Tomorrow - Part Two:
"Additional Healing Tips & Strategies"
Quote of the Day
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
- Harvey Fierstein
24th October 2014
How To Be The Most Romantic Partner Your Lover Has Ever Had - Part Two
[ continued from yesterday ]
If you and your guy are busy people, a quiet getaway together can be an invitation to a passionate weekend. Don’t wait for that vacation you’ve been putting off!
There are gay bed-and-breakfasts all over the world; check one out. Or think about what your boyfriend might like to do. Does he like to ski? Think about a trip to some snowy mountain that would allow him to hit the slopes. (And then there are those quiet evenings in front of the fireplace together.) Does he need time to relax after too much travel or time at work? Maybe a weekend at a cabin would fit the bill.
When the Holidays come around, they have been designed with ads and sales all over the place inviting you to open your wallet and show you care. Forgetting the romantic aspect of a Holiday Season is a sure way to look like an unromantic jerk, but don’t let any holiday be the only time you exercise your romance muscles. Let your boyfriend or partner know that he’s important to you 365 days a year.
Many hotels offer inexpensive weekend getaway specials. You might even pretend to be a tourist in your own town. (Don’t phone home to check your answering machine for messages!) Better yet, see how much of the weekend the two of you could spend together naked.
When you’ve got his undivided attention, try new ways of being physically intimate together. Maybe get it together to offer one another a pedicure and foot massage. Get some special lotion or scented oil and take your time. It might become a part of your monthly schedule. Or ask him – in a playfully seductive voice – to teach you exactly how he likes to be kissed. Get lots of practice in to make sure you’ve got it right.
Look for ways to make your lovemaking special. Joe still talks about the time Randy cooked dinner for him and then excused himself for a few minutes – to light 50 little candles in his bedroom. “It was really dramatic and just took my breath away,” Joe recalled. “Everyone looks good by candle light. And it made me feel very special for him to go to all that planning and trouble!”
Remember that the key here is to make clear to your boyfriend that he has your undivided attention.
You feel like a lucky guy to have him in your life, and that nothing is more important than he is. Combine that with playfulness and some creativity, and you are well on your way to being the most romantic boyfriend he’s ever had.
23rd October 2014
Useless facts about pumkins
#1.) One-third of the pumpkins grown in the U.S. are canned. About 90% to 95% of the pumpkins that get processed are grown in Illinois.
#2.) Pumpkins are completely indigenous to the Western hemisphere. When the Europeans first came over here, they'd never seen pumpkins before. Now, pumpkins are grown on every continent except Antarctica.
#3.) Before pumpkin carving became a tradition, people in Ireland would carve faces in TURNIPS to try to keep evil spirits away. When the Irish came to America, they started using pumpkins because they were larger and easier to carve.
#4.) Pumpkin seeds that date back 9,000 years have been found in caves in Mexico.
#5.) The biggest pumpkin pie ever was baked in Ohio in 2005. It was 12 feet, four inches across, and four inches deep. It weighed 2,020 pounds, and used 900 pounds of pumpkins, 1,860 eggs, and 300 pounds of sugar.
#6.) In 1999, a man named Jerry Ayers set a record by carving faces into 2,000 pounds of pumpkins in seven hours and 11 minutes. Each face had eyes, ears, a nose, a mouth, and eyebrows.
How To Be The Most Romantic Partner Your Lover Has Ever Had - Part One
A candlelit table for two at the best table in a fancy restaurant. Champagne. Soft music. Tender words The essence of romance, right? Maybe, but romance can mean many things. “Sexual attraction, suitable conditions for lovemaking, fascination and enthusiasm” are a few of the definitions in my dictionary. The trouble is, while many of us enjoy lovemaking we’re often a bit bewildered about how to actually be romantic.
The word 'romantic' can seem old-fashioned and strange; it makes us think of flowers, boxes of chocolates, and syrupy romance novels. Not our style, we think. Romance is one of the things that make life with a boyfriend different from life with, well, a friend. There’s a spark, a certain way of being with someone. Romance is a type of fun that is the fuel that keeps a relationship running. It’s more than simply being special; it’s a particular way of being special.
Romance does not necessarily mean spending a lot of money on someone. (It especially doesn’t mean spending lots of money on something he doesn’t really want just to try to impress him!) Think of romance as a way of letting your guy know how important he is to you.
Romance comes from the heart. It can involve great big things, but romance can just as easily be the sum of lots of little things done with care and attention.
When was the last time you wrote your guy a love letter or bought him a romantic little card? Admit it: you like it when he sends you one. (Email doesn’t count for as much; and those tacky virtual greeting cards hardly count at all.) Taking time to put your thoughts down on paper in your own handwriting says that you are taking the time to do something just for him.
Little love notes hidden around the house can be a wonderful way to show you are thinking of him – especially if you hide them where he will find them when you aren’t around. Rick, a consultant who travels a lot with his work, often puts a little love note in his partner’s underwear drawer before leaving on a business trip, for instance. “You don’t need to be flowery and poetic,” he says, “although you could try that, too. Even a Post-It note on the pillow is a nice little gesture.”
Partners who have been together long enough that they no longer think of themselves as dating might try implementing “love nights” once or twice a week. Put it on the calendar and don’t let anything interfere – no work demands, no family obligations.
Let your boyfriend know that he is your number one priority. Take turns telling each other what the other guy has done in the past week that has made you feel special, to feel loved by him. Communicating this sort of love is important nourishment for a relationship, especially when you are both busy people.
You might also take time to let the other person know other ways he might communicate his love to you. Important: don’t be critical of one another. Nothing spoils a mood faster than feeling criticized.
[ Part Two - Continued Tomorrow ]
22nd October 2014
Falling in love without meeting
Falling in love with someone face-to-face is for old folks. In this day and age, people are more than happy to fall in love facebook-to-facebook. According to a new study, more than one out of three Americans say they believe it's possible to fall in love online without ever meeting the person face-to-face.
Men are more likely to say that's possible than women but people of both genders do believe in real love springing out of only virtual connections. 39% of men say they've flirted online, versus 23% of women. More than half of Americans say the Internet has made it easier for people to cheat and a very high 31% say they know someone whose real-life relationship ended because of their actions online.