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Shadow Of My Life

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26th February 2017

6:46am: Sundays Guy

25th February 2017

7:30am: Saturdays Guy

24th February 2017

10:10am: Fridays Message

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."
10:00am: Fridays Guy

KSU-Frat Guy:  Over 30,000 followers . More than 19,000 posts of jocks, cowboys, rednecks, military guys, and much more.  Follow me at: ksufraternitybrother.tumblr.com

23rd February 2017

7:40am: Thursdays Guy

7:00am: Quote of the Day

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment."
– Benjamin Franklin


22nd February 2017

6:13pm: Wednesdays Guy

20th February 2017

7:40am: Mondays Guy

7:30am: Quote of the Day

"Generosity is not giving me that which
I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you
need more than I do."
- Kahlil Gibran

19th February 2017

7:50am: Sundays Guy

18th February 2017

9:32am: Saturdays Guy

17th February 2017

10:35am: Ben Cohen Friday

Bloody Ben… bigger version
10:30am: Quote of the Day

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment."
– Benjamin Franklin

15th February 2017

1:30pm: Wednesdays Guy

11:30am: Changing the Dynamics

G2gtt042111aa300wIt is easy to get stuck in a relationship rut. We human beings are creatures of habit. Often we don’t like change much, especially if keeping things the same helps us feel safe or at least in familiar territory. Many of us will choose safe-but-boring over new-and-possibly-better any time we have the ability to make the choice.

On the other hand, human beings also have an instinctive desire to change and grow. When something is hurting us, or we find ourselves feeling stifled or deadened, we experience something inside of us that cries out, “There is more to life than this!” We find ourselves considering the need for change, even if we also are anxious about it.

It is easy to confuse “difficult relationship” and “wrong partner” sometimes. Pinning blame for your unhappiness on your boyfriend or partner seems to let you off the hook. If you find yourself playing the same record over and over again, finding the same shortcomings in partner after partner, it’s time to take a look at the common denominator in all those relationships: You. (Hint: if you ever find yourself saying something like, “All gay men [insert your complaint about men here]….,” it is almost certainly you.)

So the first step in creating something new is to take responsibility for your portion of creating the situation that needs changing. This is different from self-blaming. Understand that we generally do the best we can in life. As we grow and develop more life skills, we can learn to do even better.

For instance, the first priority for many of us as gay men was to keep ourselves emotionally safe and protected. If you think back to your first heartbreak, you may even remember vowing never to feel that hurt again. The problem is you can’t have true intimacy in life if your first priority remains to defend yourself at all costs. You need to learn when it is safe to begin lowering your guard and opening your heart.

If your typical pattern that you are the romantic who can never seem to find true love and who has sometimes been manipulative in relationships (what I called the Pursuer in another article), consider stopping your efforts to control the outcome and learn to let go. If you find feelings of fear coming up for you, you are probably doing this right. Not returning to old patterns will be a challenge, but you are on the right track.

Similarly, if you have always been a Distancer and kept a good bit of detachment from those who have sought to get closer to you, your task is to open your heart and to learn to express your desire for your partner. This opens you up to the possibility of rejection. That’s frightening for those who have learned to be more comfortable doing the rejection! Allow yourself to feel vulnerable. Again, the presence of uncomfortable feelings likely means you are doing this right.

In both cases, the basic fear is that we are not lovable. It is understandable that many of us will do anything possible to avoid facing that fear. For many of us, this fear is too much to overcome on our own. When that’s the case, individual or relationship counseling can be helpful support and guidance in not staying stuck.

When we learn to overcome our fears and to allow ourselves to be who we truly are, relationships offer us great potential for healing and growing, learning new skills and finding that we love and respect ourselves.

12th February 2017

9:00am: Sundays Guy

11th February 2017

12:25pm: Saturdays Guy

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